theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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