come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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