Screwed.edu
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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