i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
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Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
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You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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