You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
