u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
