My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
