I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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