Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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