I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
