dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Randomize
