BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
