the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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