Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
