just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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