lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
