There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
