I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
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In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
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I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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