I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize