He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
