So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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