dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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