either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
How external is "for external use only"?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
