but the lizard people decide everything anyway
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
