I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
