Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
