In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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