Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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