the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
