The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
