census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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