i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
