for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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