Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
