i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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