We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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