what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
