I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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