New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
