Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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