she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
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