just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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