He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
