I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
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