it was like his penis was on wheels.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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