'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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