yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
