So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
