god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
