I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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