you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
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The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
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You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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