I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
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