Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
