whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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