I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
