hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
