After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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