Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
