Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
