I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
my being single is dangerous.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
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I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
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the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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