Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
