Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
