I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize