I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
