I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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