I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
