i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
