So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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