he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
