does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
