Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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