I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
