Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
The air was thick with penises
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
