What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
