tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize