oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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